the following four days were the most intensely frustrating, and ultimately rewarding days we've ever spent. i'm trying to document this now while it's raw and present not only to try and remember things as they happened, but to honestly get rid of some of it.
the crew:
me
g: my wife
nadia: g's friend, haitian born and bred, american as an adult
wilguens: driver, translator, lady killer
toto: driver, sometime translator, funniest dude on the planet
the others:
madame: leader of the camp
#2: her second in command
R: madame's daughter
D: the baby's mother
day four (part II):
'why are they pulling over?'
we had gotten her out of the camp. we had won. but g and i were on a tightrope. we were exhausted. i think we saw our 45 minute drive alone with toto as a respite. it's funny, toto's english gets worse as the day progresses and he was heading into his below 50 percent hour. i would often find myself using lots of slang to be a bit more discreet-- who could blame me, i had no idea what they were talking about when they hit their stride. as they drove ahead of us in wilguen's car, nadia contacted our lawyer to meet the group at our hotel. he would go over the documents and then petition the court early in the week to turn over custody of the baby to the foster mother. #2 had come along for the ride in case there were any last minute questions regarding the camp or the father. we appreciated that, he could've bailed. we knew when we arrived in haiti we were on a tight schedule and had to be done by sunday afternoon. we had literally run to the 11th hour, but we can do this.
suddenly wilguen's car pulled off to the side of the road. we'd been traveling for maybe 15 minutes. we stopped about 20 yards behind them. toto yelled out the window and g and i sat frozen in our seats. after about a minute nadia emerged from the car, she was crying. we got out. 'what's wrong?' … 'oh my god, it's bad' … 'what's wrong???'. this was uncharacteristic of nadia. she was a rock, not someone prone to emotional outbursts … 'WHAT'S WRONG!!!?' … 'it's so bad, … 'WHAT???'
'D only found out you were taking the baby on thursday … madame only told her 3 days ago'.
i was hit by an oil truck while riding my bike when i was 7. a hit and run. i barely remember it as i'd gone into shock after being hit. i remember going back to school a month or so after the accident and fabricating this story of what "shock" was like for my friends.
tick tick tick … 'we are not taking her baby if she doesn't want to give her up. we'll go back to the camp right now. this isn't right'. how could this have happened? how the fuck could this have happened???
'D cannot believe her sister would do this to her, and she thinks you were in on the coverup too'.
'you have to explain to her we had no idea … we've been talking to madame for months. we were told all of this was okay'.
#2 got out of the car and approached. nadia went off … 'you are LIARS'! followed by multitude of french. #2 took the verbal punches, but they had stunned him. he started repeating, 'i cannot go with you, i cannot be a party to this'. we knew how important it was to keep him on board, so we just asked to him to wait and watch how things went. reluctantly, he agreed.
nadia grounded herself and returned to the car. we stood on the side of a highway in haiti wondering how the hell we got to this moment. a few minutes later, nadia returned. 'she understands that you weren't a party to this' … 'so you told her that we will not take her baby from her?' … 'no, she wants you to take the baby. she understands that she cannot care for it. that's the reason she was living under her sister at the camp, because she couldn't provide for her' … 'so what now'? … 'she wants to go with the baby'.
i interpreted that she wanted to go to the US with the baby. i knew there was legally no chance for that, and honestly, no chance anyway. we could afford to adopt a baby, but not a family. wilguens joined us and nadia explained that D just wanted to get away from the camp. it didn't really matter where. in retrospect, D was dealing with the incredible emotional separation that was about to occur and the betrayal by her sister/provider. we couldn't believe she held up as long as she did.
D and the baby remained in the car the entire time. wilguens mentioned that she had expressed interest in an apartment in port-au-prince for a year. i was so shell-shocked i wasn't even thinking when i asked, 'how much would that be'? wilguens responded, 'about $500 (US)'. in a haze, i thought, that's pretty cheap. luckily, i popped out of it and realized, if there's one thing port-au-prince does not need is another person. we we would discuss options for her. nadia had really connected with D. we had amassed many contacts on our trips, and our friends were well connected, we would handle this, but we needed to push on. time was of the essence.
in the interim, while everyone regained their bearings, we learned that D had gotten an inkling of the adoption back when we visited in march. we don't remember seeing her, but we know she was in the camp. a few days ago we were speaking to the man who started us on this journey, who had first told us about the baby. he was no longer affiliated with the camp, but was living in haiti and had visited it recently. D and the baby had been in camp while he was there. he and R were talking in front of D, when he mentioned g and i were coming to take the baby away. he had just assumed D knew. then she knew it was real. to make matters even worse, D was told by R to be inconspicuous while we were here on this trip. finally D put her foot down. she said she wanted to meet the people taking her baby. and that it is why she made the entrance on that friday morning with the baby … one of the top experiences of our lifetimes just doubled in importance.
we all agreed to move on. we drove to the hotel ... we flew to the hotel. we talked to our son at his birthday party. he was beaming. we were … we just were …
we arrived at the hotel and walked to the backyard. this was always our sanctuary at the end of each day. now we were all there. it was crazy, a wedding party on one end, and a pool filled with hotel guests and haitians with day passes. we pulled two tables together and sat and waited for our lawyer. there was a sense of relief, especially with our drivers who moved to the outside bar area to reminisce about the craziness of the day.
g, nadia, and i decided to take the opportunity to talk options with D while the baby sat in her lap. #2 sat quietly alongside. 'we would like to send you to school. is that something you might like'? our grandstanding upbringing in the US has taught us that education is an answer to all ills. you can pull yourself up from nothing and turn your life around. it happens every day. as any entitled american knows, surely a 26 year old mother of 6, whose 5 children live with their father and whose infant is being taken by us would realize that this is her day of emancipation … a new lease on life?
she shrugged and said, 'no'.
it's then we realized that the concept had no bearing on her existence. she grew up on the side of a mountain and has been having children since she was 16. this is not a judgement on her. this is not a "welfare mom". this is her reality. these are hard facts to accept, and even harder to write. we may as well have been asking her if she'd like to fly to the moon. this is what extreme poverty looks like.
she replied, 'i'd like to buy some things and sell them on the side of the road'. we replied, 'D, you have to think bigger picture' … but my god, this IS reality. this is what she sees. this is where she lives, and will continue to live.
as we sat waiting for our lawyer, i noticed D looking toward the shallow end of the pool. a twenty-something group of bikini-clad upper-class haitians drinking, dancing and singing. D's age. she sat with the baby in her lap, emotionless, but never turning her eyes from them.
the lawyer arrived and we moved inside to the restaurant. our friend closter arrived to facilitate travel to the foster home. documents were passed. problems were discussed. it was decided we had sufficient materials in the eyes of the law to move the baby. we discussed plans for the coming week with our drivers. it was time to say goodbyes. plans had been made to take D and #2 back to the camp, but as dusk was upon us, toto said that it was too dangerous. when darkness arrives in haiti, there are areas where no on goes, and cabaret is one. #2 said that he would find his own way back, but that he could not be responsible for D. we couldn't argue, and he left. nadia arranged for D to stay with her at her friend's, but first D would make the trip with us so she could meet the foster mother. she wanted to know where her daughter would be staying. we set off. we would meet wilguens and nadia with D at the hotel later that evening.
toto drove us to croix-de-bouquets, me in front, g, D and baby in back. we heard the baby talking. i had mentioned to D earlier that i had never heard her voice, and she told me she 'talks all the time'. she and D talked for a few minutes, it was mesmerizing. we drove into the darkness.
a half hour later toto pulled the car to the side of the road. 'we are here'. the house was another 20 yards off the road, in between businesses. we ambled in pitch black as i struggled to turn my phone light on. we'd forgotten that most electricity is turned off at sunset. we found a modest concrete house, and were led into a living room dimly lit by a gas lamp. the foster mother greeted us and we all sat a large table. she and D sat side by side. she asked closter to call henry to discuss details. we barely spoke. as she talked with henry, she watched the baby breast feed, and she asked if D would stay the night. the three would share a bed. suddenly, we were leaving. an awkward goodbye, holding hands with the baby … 'i'll see you'.
...
'she's sleeping in a bed for the first time in her life'.
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